


Maximum Security

by Sinistretoile



Category: Muppets Most Wanted (2014)
Genre: A 15 second character, And your fucking mustache, Chair Sex, Desk Sex, F/M, Flirting, Fuck you sir, Fucking, Grinding, I'M RUINED, I'm Sorry, Prison Sex, Rough Sex, Teasing, This isn't right, so fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-12 22:02:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7950832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinistretoile/pseuds/Sinistretoile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zoya is one of Russia's lethal pinup elite. She's assigned to the Gulag and it's worst prisoner, The Great Escapo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maximum Security

**Author's Note:**

> I'm fucked up. What can I say?

The anti-aircraft search lights streaked the sky. The cold wind blew through the camp. The strength of it turned the chain link fence into a tinkling instrument. Zoya tugged the collar of her parka up her throat more as she made her way from the guard shack to the prisoners’ barracks.  
Her fellow guards wolf whistled the gulag’s poster pinup girl. Her long shapely legs were visible in the chill air between her knee high boots and the skimpy olive drab skirt that barely reached the tops of her thighs. She blew air kisses to the men. The windows filled up as she passed them. Prisoners from all nations taking part in the war pressed their faces to see one of the only four women in the camp, and the most attractive one.  
Zoya made a beeline to her overnight post. The moonlight and searchlights glinted off the constantina wire that topped the fence. She unlocked the heavy padlock on the gate then dropped the thick wooden gangplank. She closed the gate and locked the padlock again. Her heeled boots echoed in the stillness surrounding the cabin. When she’d first taken the post, she’d worried about falling off the plank and into the muddy trench below. Not because the mud, the mud didn’t bother her. It was the mines buried in that mud that had scared her.  
Despite her looks, she’d seen her own share of violence. there was a reason she could traipse around the prison camp and not worry about sexual assault. Zoya was a stone cold killer. She’d been a rebel fighter, captured by the government. When they saw her potential, they put her into rigorous training.  
She shrugged the coat on her shoulders, bringing the body warm fabric up to snuggle in. Uri and Oleg stood straighter, trying to impress her. “How’s the prisoner tonight?”  
“Mumbling and unintelligible. I don’t know how you stand it.” She shrugged. Zoya and Oleg walked the narrow metal gangway around the concrete barracks. The window bars were securely in place over the windows. The glass was crisscrossed with what looked like chicken wire, so even if it were broken, there was no getting through to the bars.  
Zoya dropped the padlock key into Uri’s hand. “You’re too pretty to be in this hell hole, Zoya. Why do you stay?”  
She shrugged. “Pretty isn’t everything, Uri. I belong here just as much as you. Now, unlock the door.” He sighed and unlocked the first door. She stepped inside, waiting for him to lock it behind her. Their boots sounded loud in the still night as they crossed the trench. Only after she heard the scrape of the gangplank against the concrete did she take the key from its hook on the inner door and open it.  
Warm air enveloped her, causing her to sigh. The lock clicked back into place and she hung the key on its hook beside the door. The prisoner raised his light brown head from the desk and gave her the side-eye as she stripped out of the parka and hung it with the thin coat all the prisoners had been given. He watched her walk around the room checking the interior of the windows and the welds on the air vents.  
Her fingertip lifted the tray and let it drop. His uneaten meal bounced wetly on the tray. “E, we discussed this. No more hunger strikes.”  
His angry blue eyes looked out over the comical brown mustache. She had to bite the insides of her lips to keep from laughing. “It’s not a strike. They’re trying to poison me. They know they can’t keep me, so they’re trying to get rid of me.”  
She sighed and dropped into the chair between the desk and the bed. “Oh E, they’re not trying to poison you.” She graced him with a smile that he pretended not to enjoy. “And they’ve got you pretty tightly sealed up in here.” He leaned back in his chair and glared at her, not daring to admit she was right. It had been months since he’d had an escape attempt. They’d truly locked him down tight this time.  
E, otherwise known at The Great Escapo, had made over 100 escape attempts during his imprisonment. It wasn’t until Zoya came to the camp that those attempts were halted. She’d suggested the prison house they sat in now. Welds on the vents, concrete instead of wood, wire in the glass, steel rebar on the windows, not one but two heavy steel doors into the single room house, the trench with its landmines, the 12 foot fence with its constantina wire, the heavy padlock, down to the guards routine and who had the keys.  
Escapo narrowed his eyes at her. “You think you have beaten me?” She caught his gaze flick to the ample cleavage that practically popped from the button down shirt. She leaned back against the wall and let her legs fall open. She didn’t miss the peripheral look he gave her knee as it swung back and forth.  
“I know I have. Now eat. I don’t want you cranky all night.” He shoved away from the papers he’d been scribbling on and pulled his tray over. He watched her pull a nail file from who knows where and began to file her nails. They didn’t speak anymore until he’d finished eating. She crossed her legs and leaned into the desk. “So what new escape plan are you working on?” She reached for the papers, but he shouted and pulled them away, clutching them to his chest. His tattooed forearms bulged.  
“No escape plan. You can’t see this.”  
Zoya clicked her tongue. “Now E, what did we agree on? No lies.”  
“I’m not lying.” His nose twitched, making his mustache twitch. Zoya stifled her laugh but not her smile. He laid the papers down face down and set the tray on top of them. He leaned back in the chair and stroked his mustache, curling the ends. “Why don’t they give you a night off?”  
“Because I’m the only one they trust with you. You notice Uri and Oleg don’t come inside.”  
He nodded. “I think it’s because you want to be here. You act like I’m such a chore but I think you like me.”  
Zoya raised an eyebrow. “So you figured that out, did you?”  
He startled. He was right? “Why?”  
She stood up then braced her hands on the back of the chair, sitting on his lap in the tight space between his body and the desk. He huffed out a breath. The plain off-white long johns did nothing to hide his excitement at her closeness. He stared at her soft, welcoming cleavage right before his eyes. He was afraid to breathe, to move, to touch. And god! He wanted to touch!  
“I saw you. In Moscow. You wore a black tuxedo and a silver pocket watch. You asked for a volunteer. I wore a lavender and yellow satin dress. You locked me in a box. But something went wrong with the trick. The escape hatch wouldn’t open. I panicked and began to scream and pound on the door. You let me out as soon as you figured out something had gone wrong before I was hurt. The kindness you showed me, the concern. You were so gentle. And you stopped the show.”  
“I remember.” He squinted. “But you cannot be her. She was so fragile, so mousy.”  
Zoya shrugged. “Russia happens.”  
Escapo squinted. His hand cradled the back of her head and drew her close. He squinted more then his eyes widened. “It is you.” She smiled and kissed him, crashing her lips against his. Their tongues fought against each other, teeth scraping. She held his face as they kissed. His hands dropped to her thighs before skimming up to the hem of the skirt. He didn’t ask or wait for permission, slipping his hands under the tight fabric in search of her panties. He found none. He groaned and lifted up out of the chair, pressing his hardened cock into her.  
Zoya broke the kiss, grinning and keeping their faces close together. His tongue rolled over his lips. “Fuck me.” Her hips rolled against his bulge over and over. He fought for focus, for control.  
“We can’t.”  
She frowned and pulled back more. “Why not?”  
“You will get in trouble.”  
She laughed, a bright sound that confused him but made him smile. “Trouble? I have tamed the Great Escapo. So long as I keep you in your box until your release, they care not what I do.”  
He grinned. “I can think of a better box to be in.”  
“Oh?”  
“Yours.” He crashed his mouth against hers and stood up, holding her aloft with his hands and her legs wrapped around his waist, locked around his waist. He swept everything on the desk onto the floor in a cacophonous clatter. Zoya panted as he pushed her skirt up, the wood rough against her bare ass. She’d probably get a splinter. That’s alright, E could pull it out for her.  
Escapo’s kisses moved to her neck and hers to his as she began to unbutton the long johns. He growled and gave her shoulder a bite. She returned the bite, making him shudder. He jerked her to the edge of the desk. His cock was free with the next bottom. It was long and thick and she reached for it, wrapping her hand around the hot flesh. He groaned, open mouthed against her throat as she stroked him. His hips bucked into her hand. His gruff fingers split her pussy lips, seeking her clit and her hole. His thumb pressed against her nerve bundle and made her shout. He slipped a finger inside her then joined a second.  
Zoya gasped as he fingered her, sending jolts through her from steady pressured circles on her clit. She forgot to stroke him. It didn’t matter. He had her wet enough. The first thrust was rough and tight and bordered on pain with his size. He curled his fingers in her hair and held her head still, pressing his face against her cheek and temple. Her body opened to him, welcomed him.  
Escapo’s hips snapped with each thrust. She braced a boot heel on the back of his chair. With their mouths so close to each other’s ear, their cries and heavy breath were the only sounds heard. It didn’t matter. The concrete muffled their cries. Anyone passing would assume they were tussling again. And everyone in camp knew Zoya could handle Escapo.  
He pulled her off the desk as he sat back in the chair. She hooked her boot heels on the bottom rungs of the chair and braced her hands on his shoulders. His mouth fell open, unable to make a sound as she leaned back. Her back braced against the desk, her body shook as she rode him slow and deep. He closed his eyes and his head dropped back. His hand dropped between them and he rubbed her clit in time with her strokes.  
Zoya and Escapo didn’t look away, moaning and growing louder the closer they came to orgasm. It crashed over her first. Her quivering cunt felt so good after so long. He pulled her up and kissed her, crying out into her mouth as he found his release.

Uri and Oleg stood outside the door to the concrete house, listening to what they couldn’t be listening to. Zoya was laughing with the prisoner. The laughter quieted. The concrete and steel muffled the soft sounds of their kissing nuzzling.  
“See you tonight, baby.”  
“Always, E.”  
“Zoya…” She looked at him, waiting while he formed the words. “I’m not going to try to escape anymore. Call me Evan.” She smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth, looking at the sketch of her on the desk. She’d finally gotten him to show her what he was working on before they’d fallen asleep cuddled together under his thin blankets.  
“See you tonight, Evan.” He kissed her lips just as the routine loud banging sounded from the outer door. He watched the door shut behind her before dropping into the bed. Zoya answered the knock on the outer door. The steel muffled their voices then it was silence. He stared at the ceiling, sighing with a smile. Goodbye, Great Escapo.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this piece in mind for over a year. It was supposed to be a mashup of The Great Escapo and Hogan's Heroes, it decided to go a different way.


End file.
